|
The Husband and the Wife
Resolving Marital Irritations
Scripture Reading: 1 Peter 3:9-11; Romans 12:18; Matthew 5:9
What is an irritation?
An irritation is “an incident, conversation, or situation having the ability to exasperate, nettle, provoke, rile, peeve, or anger a person or persons”
Why does marriage have the unique potential for irritations?
Marriage has the unique potential for irritations because it is the coming together of two persons into oneness. In order for oneness to occur, there must be the merging of two differing personalities, backgrounds, perspectives, and lifestyles. Because of this “differentness” there is the potential for irritations. Whenever two people choose to come together in marital intimacy, there arises the need for coordination of efforts, plans, and decisions. This process of making two lifestyles into one gives rise to possible irritations in the following areas:
Matters of Personal Habit:
· How one squeezes the toothpaste
· How one puts things away or doesn’t put things away
· How one dresses
· Personal hygiene
· Driving technique
· Nylons adorning the bathroom
· Cold feet in bed
· The newspaper “wall”
· The video drone (lazy boy sit-ups)
Matters of Different Taste:
· Whether to buy this color or that color, this brand or that brand
· This route to a location or that route
· This kind of furnishing or that kind
· Whether to do what he wants tonight or what she wants
Matters of Social Habit:
· Corny or unfunny jokes
· Monopolizing conversation
· Just watching everybody else talk
· Interrupting constantly
· Adjusting poor memories of past events
· Being picky about unessential details
Matters of Household Management:
· Writing checks but not recording them in register
· Waiting to clean the living room until company comes
· Unequal treatment of the children
· Enternal minor household repairs
· Not washing out the bathtub
· Windows open or closed at night
· The electric blanket's temperature setting
In all of the aforementioned areas, there are opportunities for differing points of view, which could give rise to irritations. Irritations can give rise to conflicts. These matters are a part of every day living together and must be solved and worked out in order to maintain the peace of God in the home.
Are these times when one is more susceptible to being irritated? If so, when are those times?
The following times are time when people are more subject to being irritated:
· When one is tired;
· When one is hungry;
· When one is in a hurry;
· When one is sick;
· When one is depressed or angry;
· During hormonal changes (menstrual cycles and "change of life")
· When one is fasting;
" Any combination of the above.
During these times one should take extra precaution to be more sensitive, tolerant, understanding, and patient. These are times when one is not at his/her best. Being aware of these conditions and responding in a Christ-like manner is to strengthen the marriage relationship. Timing is a factor to be recognized (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).
During these times, one should avoid things that would cause irritation. For example, avoid:
· Bringing up today's negative events;
· Opening up an issue requiring a policy-decision for the future, which requires more time to discuss and
conslude it's allowable at that time;
· Making even constructive criticism of bad habits;
· Looking with a critical eye at the meal that is served;
· Making big things out of little things;
· Verbally noticing things undone.
What biblical attitudes help to overcome marital irritations? The Attitude of a Peacemaker:
Scripture says happiness and blessing are the rewards of a peacemaker (Matthew 5:9). Both husband and wife should make a constant effort to preserve and maintain peace between each other (Romans 12:18; 1 Peter 3:0-11). This will necessitate sensitivity, humility, and a forgiving heart.
Both the husband and the wife must value marital peace as more important than insisting on their own individual ways.
The Attitude of Submission:
There must be a giving attitude on the part of both husband and wife (Ephesians 5:21). The success and happiness of a marriage is somewhat dependent upon the degree of willingness to defer to the desire or taste of one’s mate. Choosing to honor and concede to your spouse’s desire or choice will eliminate many irritations and immediately produce unity (Romans 2:10).
The Attitude of Forbearance:
A disposition of tolerance, patience, and long-suffering is vitally necessary to stave off irritation-producing situations. In order not to be overcome by evil, but to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21), each must take his/her responsibility to:
· Hold their tongue when necessary;
· Speak softly and tactfully;
· Ask for forgiveness after an offense;
· Have a proper sense of timing to what one says and does.
The enduring nature of forbearance will make this possible.
The Attitude of Love:
Love for one’s mate will seek the benefit, comfort, and convenience of him/her (1 Corinthians 13:5). Love will endure until a solution has been achieved (1 Corinthians 13:7,8).
True divine love for each other will not keep a record of past irritations or wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5).
The Attitude of Meekness:
This is the attitude both husband and wife must have to insure harmony in marriage. Meekness is yielding one’s rights and expectations to God rather than insisting on them. To make an idol of what “I want changed in you”, will only breed resentment and competition. Only God can ultimately change one’s mate for lasting well and bring him/her to a place where he/she meets my needs (Psalm 62:5).
What practical steps should be taken to avoid and remove irritations?
· In your own private prayer time, yield your rights and expectations to God.
· Take note of how you are saying what you are saying. How would you yourself respond to what you are
saying if it was being said to you?
· Take note of your timing. Ask yourself; "is this the proper time to bring this up?"
· Ask forgiveness if you offend your mate in word or action.
· Be willing to compromise.
· Be willing to do something your spouse's way, if compromise does not appear appropriate or forthcoming.
· When one is tired; take not of your tone of voice.
Check the love-level of your marriage…
Do I really hear the criticisms and adjustments that my spouse suggests?
Am I making an effort to please him/her by willingly making those adjustments?
Have I allowed my irritations over things that my spouse does to eclipse my love and appreciation for him/her?
Do I express my appreciation for the small things that are done for me?
|
